Growing up in a culture where openly LGBTQ characters could be counted on one hand, Queers were once forced to read between the lines to find representation. In the spirit of code-breaking, I present... 

How Gay Is It?


From the depths of 2020 came a new national preoccupation, a thrilling new entry into the popular canon. A year when Big Pharmas became household names, where the race to vaccinate us against COVID officially began and nay-sayers became yay-sayers. AstraZenny emerged as a vaccine that literally gives us life, henny.

At first glance, the big AZ does not appear to be overflowing with codified queerness but a few key factors did not go unnoticed. For one thing, it does not need the temperature-controlled environments of some of its competitors so it exudes a certain happiness to go with the flow, as so many randy gays purport to be on their Grindr profiles in an ingenious ploy to ward off accusations of being ‘too clingy’.

We can assume that Zenny is, therefore, a subscriber to the complicated bullshit of portraying a sense of competence and emotional composure, perhaps with a flannelette shirt from Country Road paired with lightly scuffed white sneakers that, when combined, border on the right side of presenting ’personality’. As in, having one.

The very nerve of Zenny causing a few blood clots in point something something of the population is a bit much, even for a viscous fluid whose name sounds like that one drag queen who follows the headliner, is invariably bald and trots out her ‘intergalactic kook’. When it comes to queerness, the whole clotting issue is neither here nor there. I’ve known heaps of queens who have it out for everyone under 50, but that’s just Boomers in general regardless of sexuality.

Then again, Zenny has literally penetrated hundreds of thousands of men across the country, which is just a few shy of Bryan Singer. So yeah, it’s pretty gay.

Kinsey Scale: 6.5 tourniqueted biceps.
Could it be Gayer? I mean Big Pharma is literally destroying health care so...if AZ decided to go on a soul mission to take peyote, pledge a life of contemplation and take up ceramics, yeah, that ought to do it.